Pandemic Parenting: On Slowing Down and Showing Up
by Megan Wright @asofwrightnow
I try not to watch the news a whole lot which meant I found out about the virus from my husband.
There I was with an active three-year-old and a one-month-old clung to my body when he says to me, “I want to talk to you about this virus. I think there’s gonna be a time very soon where you won’t be able to take the kids out. I think it would be best if you head to the store and get some stuff to keep everyone occupied at home.” The conversation went on from there, but the idea of it was that life is going to change and we don’t know for how long. Typing this eight months later, I never thought it would have gone on this long.
You know those moments when your kids ask you if they can go to the park and you say, “I wish we could, but the park is closed!”? Everyone says you’ll miss the days when your kids are little or they’re begging you for another underdog, and it’s true. I never thought I would miss taking them to the park so much!
Shortly after the conversation my husband and I had, his medical school called off any in-person teaching. This meant he was home doing school virtually, studying for his boards, and I was doing my best to keep the kids busy while trying to be as quiet as possible. You can imagine how easy that was. With all the unknowns, our everyday lives looked nothing like they did before, and yet as a parent…the show must go on.
“our everyday lives looked nothing like they did before, and yet as a parent…the show must go on.”
As difficult as it was (and still is) there is always good. Even if (when) I have to remind myself to look for it sometimes. Virtual learning for my husband meant we got to see him far more than we had been. He got time with our newborn that we never thought he was going to get. I got to tap into my creative side with our toddler instead of just taking her to a park and letting her run out her energy as usual.
Fast forward some odd months. The holidays are approaching with Halloween having just past and Thanksgiving right around the corner. Last year our daughter fell in love with trick-or-treating. She doesn’t even like candy, but she loves the social aspect and getting to say “trick-or-treat!” So, what does any normal (re: desperate) mom do in a pandemic to make her kids happy? Improvise! We invited our fellow third-year medical school families over, put homemade balloon arches over the doorways, and had the kids trick-or-treat at our home. Read that correctly: they trick-or-treated IN our home.
This year was different, but still great! We even followed it up by painting pumpkins in our backyard. Something this craft-averse, anti-Halloween, non-mess loving mama would normally avoid. Had it been a normal year, we probably would have gone to an event hosted somewhere else, possibly multiple events on multiple weekends, so we could get “the most” out of their costumes and the season. Our daughter would have run around with all the other kids laughing and playing, asking if it was her birthday or when she could take her costume off. And then we’d come home to crash--hopefully into our beds and not into each other—and then we’d do it all over again the next weekend.
I’m tired just thinking about it.
“I’m learning to enjoy the moments. Even the slow ones.”
This year has taught me to slow down. Instead of filling our schedules to the brim going from one event to the other, one playdate or trip to the park to the next (although I do miss those), I’m learning to enjoy the moments. Even the slow ones. The days are long, but the years are fast. I’m living that in real time now. It’s all different, no one can escape that, but I’m learning to get creative and take things as they come. Yes, there are hardships and it’s important, necessary in fact, to give ourselves and others time and space to experience and process those feelings. But for me I know that staying in that place for too long only makes the days seem even longer. It is up to us to make the best of what we are given.
Something to think about:
What is one way your life has slowed down this year that you hope to take with you into the future?
Where do you need to give yourself space to: mourn, be frustrated, angry, sad, irritated, etc.?
Journal it!
Dear and Love values asking intentional questions to help us process life and challenge the way we think. Take time to process though these questions in a journal, on a piece of paper, or in a note on your phone. Remember: there are no rules, only space to see where your time, thoughts, and words take you.