Why I Started Therapy (again)

I’ve done therapy three times in my life. Once in college because it was free through my school’s MFT program and all the girls on my freshman floor decided it was the thing to do, which was really the only sort of peer pressure I gave into back then. Once in my mid-20s after my long-term college roommate got married and my innate people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, and a work schedule that sent me over the edge led me to anxiety-turned depression and Prozac. 

And then once during a pandemic when my income was compromised, my world turned upside down, the actual world turned upside down, and all those things I thought I had dealt with long ago crept out from under the rug and landed right on top of it. 

Oh wait—that’s now. I’m in therapy now. 

Thankfully the stigma around mental health is changing. For the better. Not for everyone or in all cultures or communities, but we’re moving in the right direction. Our steps forward don’t change the fact that suicide was the second leading cause of death amongst 10-34 year olds in 2018 and 90% of deaths by suicide that year had diagnosable mental health disorders. I’m not an expert and I don’t know all the facts, but I do know talking to professionals is cool, and I’d recommend it to anyone. Try it. Come one…just once. Everyone is doing it! (Look who’s doing the peer pressuring now!)

Because I think pursuing mental health is important, I’m here to share with you why I started therapy (again). There’s no one right way or right time to start. There are also real challenges like health insurance and accessibility. It can be a complicated journey, but I know it’s worth it. My goal here is not to tell you why you should start or even that you should, it’s to make this conversation personal. You don’t have to get personal with me, but if the time is right for you, then I hope you find a therapist, mentor, pastor, or coach to get real with. I’ll start. 

1.    Everyone is doing it.  

I’m not kidding when I say everyone is doing it. I don’t know if it’s just the people around me, this year, or cosmic forces coming together (blowing up?), but the amount of people in my life who’ve mentioned they started therapy this year is astounding. Or maybe it’s that we’re all finally talking about it? Either way, it’s hard to ignore something that comes up every time you turn a corner or start a conversation. 

There is something about seeing the people around you try to better themselves that is truly inspiring…people willing to open themselves up, get in the muck, and be better. Do better. I want to be like that.

There is something about seeing the people around you try to better themselves that’s truly inspiring. Not even that, but people you truly love and see the best in, willing to open themselves up, get in the muck, and be better. Do better. I want to be like that. I don’t want to be a victim to my own life and the choices I am making. I want to figure out my crap. Sometimes we just need a little (or a lot of) help. 

2.    I couldn’t untangle the thoughts on my own.   

Therapy wasn’t a new idea. As we discussed, this is my third go-around. I’d been thinking about starting for a while, but then the thought got lost somewhere in my tangled brain. You see, there’s this graphic about my Meyer’s Briggs personality type that explains perfectly how my brain works when I let it do what it wants. Let’s take a look (see image).

So, this is how my brain has been functioning lately, and I needed someone to help me untangle the knots and create new healthier thought patterns. While I have an army of supportive friends and family, it seemed like more of a paid job kind of situation. I’d like to keep my friends after all. My family is stuck with me. 

3.    I want to write a different story for my future.  

The worst part about having friends gracious and loving enough to listen to you talk in circles about your problems, is that I have to listen to myself talk in circles about my problems. As an introvert, I can THINK my problems to death and hardly bat an eye because it doesn’t affect anyone but me. Indulging my thought life comes with ease. But realizing other people had to listen to my same old stories of frustration, pain, and disappointment over and over and over made me realize it was time to do something about it. I couldn’t put them through that any longer. I couldn’t put myself through it any longer. It was time to write a different story. 

I couldn’t put myself through it any longer. It was time to write a different story.

It’s only been a few months and a bunch of copays. I’m not fixed. I’m not falling apart…although sometimes? I feel like every session I talk about something different. Like I have to loosen up every knot a little bit to make sense of the whole mess before I can see where the lines lead and untangle the whole dang thing. We’ll get there.   

I don’t know what your story is. Maybe you’re doin’ good and perfectly fine and just wanted to read about someone’s personal life on the internet. Totally cool. In that case, consider filing this one away for when life feels like a dumpster fire, or maybe you’re a little bit sad, or you lose someone you love, or someone doesn’t love you back, or when someone mentions going to therapy and before you judge them you think, “Oh yeah, I know a girl who talked about that. That was chill.”  

Or maybe you’ve been thinking about starting therapy and needed that extra boost of encouragement. Well, just know that you’re not alone and it’s totally cool to start. I mean, everyone is doing it. 

Let’s keep talking. Let’s normalize mental health.

No matter what, I just want us to keep talking. Whether to a therapist, a friend, or maybe you start with a book or a podcast or buy yourself a journal, let’s keep talking. Let’s normalize mental health. 

Something to think about: 

What has been your experience with therapy? What are your feelings about it now?

How can you practice caring for your mental health this week?

Journal it!  

Dear and Love values asking intentional questions to help us process life and challenge the way we think. Take time to process though these questions in a journal, on a piece of paper, or in a note on your phone. Remember: there are no rules, only space to see where your time, thoughts, and words take you.