Everything is different, but it doesn't all suck.
This thought passed through my mind sometime last spring in the midst of my own self-loathing and full indulgence into everything that was going wrong around me. Not just around me, but in my own personal and everyday life.
We’ve all been there. Or a lot of us have. Even those of us still somehow thriving will not come out of this year unscathed. Whether or not your world has fallen apart, the reality is: the world is fallen. It’s a broken place with broken people and this year has stopped us all in our tracks to remind us of that.
Back to my self-indulgent, narcissistic pity-party. As I have gotten older, I’ve realized that the more I see something, the more I see something. It’s like red Jeeps. Or any other car for that matter. Say you drive a Corolla, and then you finally get that red Jeep you’ve always wanted. All of the sudden, everyone has a red Jeep! They’re everywhere! I guess I’m not very original after all! But the thing is, they were always there. You’re just part of the club now. You see them because it’s a part of your life.
The same is true for other stuff too. Important things.
Last spring, left with my thoughts and a world saturated in fear and loss, everything started to suck. Sure, a lot of stuff did suck, I’ll be the first to admit it, but the suck spiral started pulling me in deeper and before I knew it, that’s all I could see. Everything sucks! It’s everywhere! I guess I’ll give up!
But then I had a moment. That’s not even true. Why? The first thing that came to mind: babies. So many babies were born this year in and around my life. While maybe I couldn’t see or snuggle them the same as I would have pre-pandemic, the joy and hope (and freaking squishy faces) they brought to life was a real sounding board to everything else going on in the world. It doesn’t all suck. Even better? There is hope.
And you know what? Once I had that glimpse of “it doesn’t all suck” I started to see all the other ways it didn’t suck. I saw how the family I worked for continued to pay me a portion of my regular pay even though I wasn’t working for them after the lock-down. I was reminded of friends who dropped flowers and quiche and cookies and paintings at my doorstep. I laughed thinking of the multiple times I opened my door to receive handmaid cocktails from my neighbor. Then I thought of the friendships that grew through late night FaceTimes and how my extended family’s faces lit up when I delivered them groceries on the weekends.
That only takes us to May.
Since then, I’ve seen people embrace difficult conversations regarding race, politics, and relationships. Starting therapy has become the norm (!!), families are slowing down and spending more time together, and empathy is cool. We’ve got a ways to go, but when I look for it, I see it. Hope. I want to be a part of that club.
So, here’s the thing. Everything is different this year. Things will keep changing, because they have for eons before us and that’s what’s gotten us to where we are today. That’s literally what has gotten us to this place…birth, life, death and every waking moment of celebration and mourning and brushing our teeth every night (and morning) in between.
I don’t know what happens ahead of this. None of us do and none of us ever have. But I do know, it will be different, but it won’t all suck. It might even be good. It is possible to live in the tension of both. That is living.
Something to think about:
What has sucked this year? (personally, professionally, globally)
What has not sucked this year? (personally, professionally globally)
Journal it!
Dear and Love values asking intentional questions to help us process life and challenge the way we think. Take time to process though these questions in a journal, on a piece of paper, or in a note on your phone. Remember: there are no rules, only space to see where your time, thoughts, and words take you.